Washington, D.C. — In a stunning legal smackdown, a federal judge has ordered the Trump administration to reinstate visas for 133 international students by 5PM today — turning what was meant to be an academic nightmare into a sudden comeback worthy of a graduation speech.
ICE, which had been moving like a bureaucratic bulldozer, now finds itself flat-footed and fuming. Their surprise visa cancellations, part of a now-deflated “America First, Degrees Second” initiative, have been halted in their tracks.
“You can’t deport a GPA,” Judge Eleanor Marks stated in her fiery ruling. “Students are here to learn, not to become political footballs in cargo shorts and red hats.”
The courtroom erupted in applause. Okay, not really — it’s still federal court — but emotionally? Fireworks.
According to court documents, the Department of Homeland Security had “no compelling reason” for the removals other than a vague gesture toward “national interest,” which turned out to mean looking tough on TV.
Trump, unsurprisingly, was not pleased.
Posting on Truth Social, he fumed:
“Fake students! Many of them probably studying bad things like climate change and empathy. Sad!”
He followed that up with:
“We don’t need more degrees. We need more walls.”
Meanwhile, international students from India, Nigeria, Brazil, South Korea, and beyond began receiving emails notifying them of their reinstated status—some while still mid-packing.
“I was halfway through bubble-wrapping my blender,” said Ravi Mehta, a graduate student in computer science. “Now I’m unpacking and heading back to class. Judge Marks is a legend.”
Social media quickly exploded with the hashtag #VisaVictory, featuring everything from celebratory TikToks to memes of ICE agents Photoshopped as confused school principals.
One popular post featured a screenshot of Trump yelling at the sky, with the caption:
“When you try to cancel calculus but the Constitution fights back.”
Academic institutions also breathed a sigh of relief.
“This is a victory not just for students, but for common sense,” said a spokesperson from MIT. “Our foreign students are some of our best innovators. Without them, America just gets… dumber.”
The Biden campaign wasted no time weighing in. “Education isn’t a threat — it’s the future,” read a tweet from the campaign’s official account. “Apparently Trump’s afraid of students who can spell ‘immigration law.’”
But perhaps the best reaction came from the students themselves. In a spontaneous Zoom celebration dubbed “The Reinstatement Rave,” dozens cheered, danced, and promised to finish their thesis on “Why Democracy Is Still a Thing.”
As the 5PM deadline approaches, ICE officials are reportedly scrambling to send out approval notices and adjust their PR talking points from “tough on immigration” to “confused but compliant.”
Whether this ruling signals a broader shift in judicial pushback remains to be seen.
But for today, one thing is clear:
The students stayed. The tantrum failed. And Trump just got schooled.
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